GAGGED (spray_of_petals) wrote in the_garage,
GAGGED
spray_of_petals
the_garage

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A reply to another site.

Didn't know where to put this, but felt it should be read. At least by one person, Erin, and I'm not certain she'd see it in the original venue it was posted (http://www.webstripe.com/friends-loveem-but-hatem/)



Erin--

You lost my friendship because you put distance between us far before Mikee shot himself. Also, I do acknowledge that I hurt Mikee but you must keep in mind that he was very mentally ill and what he felt might have happened between us may not have been what had happened in actuality.

Before I went to see Mikee that summer and before I met James Mikee had made it clear he wanted to stop having a relationship with me in an email but stated he still wanted me to visit as it was impersonal to break off a relationship online.

We were not together as a couple when I met James. Mikee seemed to regret this after James and I hit it off so well and started trying to cuddle up to me and such so he and I had a very serious conversation in his bedroom one night about where he and I stood as a couple and his comfort with me being with James. He agreed that he didn't want to be in a relationship as he had said to me before and said it was fine that James and I were enjoying one another so much.

I was young, niave, and selfish enough to believe him so when he saw James and I kissing and ran into his room slamming the door I was actually shocked by this reaction. The next day he asked both James and I to leave then stayed the entire week before our flight to California at his parents house. He was insistent that James and I stay at his apartment. Again, I was young and selfish enough to listen to him.

I was 15. He was 24.

At the time I thought this was fine, normal in fact. I thought I was brilliant and insightful and terribly, terribly mature for my age. Because ALL 15-year-olds believe this. Really I was none of those things and Mikee was old enough to realize this, depressed or not.

I miss Mikee all of the time. I think about him more often than I admit to anyone. When I said goodbye to him at the airport before going back home he wouldn't look at me. He kept looking off to his side. I tried to hug him but he was stiff and cold.

I knew I had hurt him; I thought that he hated me. I was too inexperienced with life to understand how I had hurt him, but I recognized the expression.

He didn't even say goodbye.

And that was the last time I spoke to him. Next I heard I got a phone call from you telling me he had shot himself.

And then it came out that you knew he had a gun and had done absolutely nothing about it.

That all of the core members; "the chosen ones", had known and been discussing what to do for weeks.

How about report to his local police station that a person whom had been recently hospitalized due to mental illness had a gun when it was illegal for him to? How about something immediate instead of twiddling your thumbs and trying to figure out the best option. Sometimes there is not a best option, only the option of doing whatever is necessary to prevent someone from hurting themselves. You guys never did that. This was such a horrendous lack of judgment that it cost someone their life, whether by their own hand or not. Standing by idly without action is just as bad as committing the act yourself.

You learn that in law school. Study up.

Be well.


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